Project Linus

I took the day off because it is Stephen's birthday. Not that I knew what that meant when I woke up this morning, I just knew I couldn't go to work. Since his death, I can't focus or plan anything. Finding meaning in the loss of a baby is totally impossible but I just did not want to waste this day wallowing in my own sorrow, I've done enough of that on most other days. I wanted this day to be a positive remembrance of this most important day.

I had ordered altar flowers for church in memory of Stephen, and I planned on planting a bush in memory of his birth. But it all felt sort of superficial, like some common thing that everyone does whether it's meaningful or not. I did it anyway, I found a beautiful blue butterfly bush. It was something that felt good to do, but at the same time I couldn't imagine myself planting a bush every year on his birthday. I guess I really wanted a tradition I could continue in memory of him.

So I fidgeted and surfed the net for nothing in particular. Of course all I usually want to do is sew on my off days as sewing is therapeutic for me. Before I knew it, I was surfing for baby quilt patterns. And that's when I remembered Project Linus. I looked them up and there it was - a reason to do what I love best - make a quilt. And I could do it in memory of Stephen and give it to Project Linus so a sick baby could have it. And I could do this every year. It was a perfect idea.

I was rambling and excited and ready to get started. It's perfect and how incredibly coincidental that I am a big Peanuts fan. It was like this was meant to be. I got started immediately. A review of a good pattern and a look at what I have on hand still meant a trip to the fabric store. I really enjoyed picking out such cheery fabrics. I got them home and put them in the wash machine immediately. While I waited for the laundry to finish, I read the instructions and prepared everthing to get started. In no time I had the top done. Since I machine quilted it with straight lines, that also went pretty quick. Before I knew it, the binding was on the edges and I was done.

My daughters really liked the idea and thought they might want to do the same next year, so a new tradition begins out of sadness and love for our little SIDS baby boy. I am so glad I took the day off.


With love,
Stephen's Grandma